Id say its been 8 or 9 years since the last time I rammed a stick of butter up my ass while jerking off and fingering my *******. I did it because it felt really good but thats not the point of this story. I want to tell you of the events proceeding this fateful masturbation.
Im sitting there watching The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and around 15 minutes go by and I feel a sticky wetness on my ass cheeks and ballsack. This is when I realized that the butter I had shoved up my ******* had melted and leaked out onto my couch and it had a very distinct putrid stench to it. It had mixed with my **** to create something far worse than ****. It was probably the worst thing Ive smelt in all my life. It actually smelt many times worse than the time I had stuck a pickle up my ******* and forgot about until the morning after.
While standing there taking in this wonderfully putrid smell I realize that I cannot be the only one to smell this. So I walked quickly upstairs with my ass cheeks clenched not wanting to spill a drop of my **** butter. I pull out from my sock drawer a heavy woolen sock and unload the contents of my ******* into it. I thought the smell was bad before. I now had the urge to do a barrel roll out my window to escape the horrid odor. I quickly tied the top of the sock and left my house.
As I walked down the street a brownish-yellow liquid slowly dripped from the bottom of the sock. The neighborhood kids became very curious as to what was going on and as they approached they caught a whiff of the putrid smell emanating from the sock. This is when Joanna, my neighbors 13 year old daughter vomited what looked like a freshly eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich all over the street. I nearly came in my pants at that moment. I had the sickest hard on. In fact the only thing keeping me from raping Joanna while she lay in a pool of her own vomit was my sock full of **** butter. I knew I had something to do and I was damn sure going to do it. I kept walking.
I finally made it to my local grocery store. An epic journey it had been. Every ******* in the vicinity could smell the putrid odor but nobody knew where it came from. I can still hear them in my mind. What the **** is that smell. This smell is so bad I think I am going to kill myself with a hammer one man said. I even saw a fellow depraved maniac in the corner of my eye. I could tell because he had the same smile that I did. He was laughing with the same glee. Im sure hes raped a severely mentally challenged child in his lifetime. I know I have.
Thats when I saw him. The old ****** who sat in front of shoprite saying hello to every ******* strolling by. I ****ing hated this man. I couldnt tell you why. I just hated him. He could smell my **** butter. I could tell because he was gasping for air. I quickly approached him thinking this will be the greatest day of my life. Nothing could stop me now. This is when I felt a sudden burst. I realized later that I had shot a load off in my pants right at that moment.
I was arms length from the ****** now. I clenched the sock tight with both hands and swung it at the ******s face with all my might. I hit him in the cheek with such force that the brownish-liquid had sprayed out all over his face. He immediately threw up. I sat back laughing as he washed out his eyes with bottled water. He asked why? and I responded by dumping the rest of the socks contents on his head. Truly, I did it for the lulz.
While everybody was distracted I walked into shoprite and quickly shoved as many apples as I could up my ass. It was 4. I left shoprite with the most satisfaction I have ever felt in my life. I remember thinking wow, Im such a great person, I get 4 free apples, and I get to go home and jerk off to CP.
When I think back on that day, I can always remember how sweet those apples tasted. Nothing sweeter.
