C U N Tomer: "Excuse me please, I was looking for th---"
You: (turning and crossing your eyes slightly, adopt a big retarded grin and let just a little pool of saliver slip over your lip. Watch them recoil in horror and flee from you.
C U N Tomer: "I KNOW YOU GOT THIS IN THE BACK ROOM THAT'S WHERE YOU KEEP THE GOOD STUFF GO GET IT FOR ME NOW!"
You: "You bet! I'll run back there and look for it right now! ... Wait here, I'll be right back!" (go back to your warehouse, eye your time, poke around back there for a minimum of 15 minutes. Have your story ---'so sorry, we really don't have it on hand right now' for when you come back out.....come back out, find c u n tomer long gone)
C U N Tomer: " Excuse me, what isle is ____ in...?' (the sh!t's literally right by their knee)
me i drink a ton of apple juice and oat bran cereal with some scrambled eggs before I start my shift. Then i blow up the tpublic toilet several x , just let my **** spray every where. Its actually kind of a art form like a salvidor dali painting
If they're on their phone, I can skip their shopper's card about a third of the time. It feels best during the buy two get one chicken/sirloin sales.
Sometimes I'll bruise the **** out of produce.
I snapped a jerk's frozen pizza in half when he wasn't looking.
A skinhead with Nazi tattoos came through once. I smashed his eggs.
Cans aren't that tough. A lot can be dented just by squeezing.
We have one customer we've nicknamed "The Cowboy" because he always wears a stupid ****ing hat. He prefers to check out well after closing, and often with a large order. We usually open up a lane just for him so we don't have to watch him struggle with SCO 15 minutes after we've closed. We hate him and bag all of his items poorly and incorrectly and he knows it. Cans bleach meat bananas? Nice! He gets pissy about it, but we ignore him and do it anyways and management thinks it's funny because they hate him too.
