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Post Info TOPIC: Here's what the answering machines at Kroger should say
notawhiner


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Here's what the answering machines at Kroger should say
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Hi, and thank you for calling your local Kroger store, if you would like to speak to the bakery, forget it, they are busy

decorating cakes for people who don't show up, if you would like to speak to the produce department to ask them if

we have the bananas on sale, yes you idiot, we're a grocery store, if you would like to speak to the meat department, we're 

sorry but they're on break and they have bloody knives and can't be disturbed, if you would like to speak the management, 

they are busy texting in the back room so if you want their attention please slip and fall on some random thing

in the frozen aisle and we'll be right with you.  

 

***** please feel free to add to this phone message, if for no other reason, but comic relief because God knows we all need some!



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thedude


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if you want to speak to the deli, they are once again short staffed and busy slicing hot souse.



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Anonymous

Date:
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lol at managment textting all day,

 

so many people call asking the prices on ****, im pretty shure its walmart or something, "hello what is the price on cheerios, a gallon of milk, peanut butter, frozen walfuls, and dove soap this week?'



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nocturnia


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Nawww.......we do comp-shopping at our competitors--just as Kroger does--but it's never by phone.

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MadMan_Mundt


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for your local meijer store press 8.

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nocturnia


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*BEEEEEEP*

"Thank you for calling Kroger. For English, listen fast because the menu will be repeated in Spanish, Mandarin, Cantonese, French, German and Madagascarian.

For pharmacy, press #1....and plan on waiting longer than it would take to fill your f%#*n script before any body answers. For Grocery, press #2 and hope all the staff aren't up front running registers. For Customer Service, press #3, blow out some candles and make a big wish that there IS such thing as customer service any more; to speak to a Manager, please call 1-800-EAT-ME, cuz that's what at least one of them is doing to another..........For all else, please stay on the line, hold your breath until big funny flowers bloom in front of your eyes and you pass out and DIE."

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Cathy


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I like how they take you through all the other departments before they even mention customer service...

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Anonymous

Date:
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Cathy wrote:

I like how they take you through all the other departments before they even mention customer service...

 Anyone with common sense knows to just press 0.



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Anonymous

Date:
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No, they press 3 for floral and ask "are you doin' any hiring?".



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mega-kitteh


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Thank you for calling your local kroger. If you need to speak to te deli please press xxx
*presses xxx*

We're not sorry but our deli dept seems to be a bit busy. We realize what you have to say is of great importance so therefore we will get back to you whenever we damn well feel like it.

If you are an employee do NOT even try using the extension to get faster service you cheatin' bastard! You can wait a million years on hold like the customers!

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How about NO?!?

 
Anonymous

Date:
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For floral department, press 3.

"Floral, how may I help you?"

"Hi, is this customer service?"

 

furiousfuriousfuriousfurious



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