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Post Info TOPIC: Things you wanna say to your customers.
Anonymous

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RE: Things you wanna say to your customers.
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Excuse me, ma'am.  Would you settle an argument for us?  I think you're a tweaker and totally high right now, but my coworker insists that you are just ****ing crazy.  Which one of us is correct?  Or is it more of a half and half sort of thing?



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Anonymous

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It is, in fact, not too many questions.  It is precisely two questions. 

The first question regards whether you would like cash back.  This is a reasonable question.  If the machine didn't ask you, I would have to.  A million dollars is not an acceptable answer.

The second question concerns whether the amount is "ok".  Not if the amount is correct, but rather if the amount is "ok".  Yes, I realize this.  I wish it asked if the amount was correct, but it doesn't.  If it's not ok, then we can remove items from your order until it's more acceptable.  Don't joke that it's not ok.  I hate you.  Sometimes I think about drinking before work.

If I wanted to listen to the same horrible jokes over and over, I would get a Jeff Dunham DVD.

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What do you mean we only have one lane open?  It's unreasonably late at night.  Honestly, our store should be closed and your grumpy entitled ass should be in bed.  If anything, you are quite lucky that we even have a lane open.  We had good courtesy clerks today, so everything got done early, and two closing cashiers were scheduled.  You have no idea how lucky you are.  You only have three items anyways.  If you went through self checkout, you would be halfway home by now.

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You need to watch your little monsters a bit better.  Maybe you could just beat them every now and then.  I'll help if you need me to.  They just disabled one of my self checkout machines.  I don't know how they did it, but I had to chase down three managers to get the key to restart the damn thing.  And you think it's funny because you can't figure out how to work the machine.  Here's a hint: please place the item in the bagging area.  I hate you.  Why don't you help your little monsters go play on the freeway?



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Anonymous wrote:

It is, in fact, not too many questions.  It is precisely two questions. 

The first question regards whether you would like cash back.  This is a reasonable question.  If the machine didn't ask you, I would have to.  A million dollars is not an acceptable answer.

The second question concerns whether the amount is "ok".  Not if the amount is correct, but rather if the amount is "ok".  Yes, I realize this.  I wish it asked if the amount was correct, but it doesn't.  If it's not ok, then we can remove items from your order until it's more acceptable.  Don't joke that it's not ok.  I hate you.  Sometimes I think about drinking before work.

If I wanted to listen to the same horrible jokes over and over, I would get a Jeff Dunham DVD.

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What do you mean we only have one lane open?  It's unreasonably late at night.  Honestly, our store should be closed and your grumpy entitled ass should be in bed.  If anything, you are quite lucky that we even have a lane open.  We had good courtesy clerks today, so everything got done early, and two closing cashiers were scheduled.  You have no idea how lucky you are.  You only have three items anyways.  If you went through self checkout, you would be halfway home by now.

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You need to watch your little monsters a bit better.  Maybe you could just beat them every now and then.  I'll help if you need me to.  They just disabled one of my self checkout machines.  I don't know how they did it, but I had to chase down three managers to get the key to restart the damn thing.  And you think it's funny because you can't figure out how to work the machine.  Here's a hint: please place the item in the bagging area.  I hate you.  Why don't you help your little monsters go play on the freeway?


Like. Is there a like button on here? Or a +1 or thumbs up or something?



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Anonymous

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If you aren't a Juggalo, you probably shouldn't get clown tattoos.

If you are a Juggalo, you probably shouldn't get clown tattoos either.



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Anonymous

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You probably should wash your reusable shopping bags.  You are an oblivious *******,  so you haven't yet noticed that they are getting a little bit moldy.

To assist in illustrating this point to you, I placed your produce directly on top of the mold. 

I wonder if you wash your produce before eating it.



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Anonymous

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No wonder you are on ****ing food stamps.

You don't even deserve an angry rant.

I'm glad you struggle to feed yourself.

You better go buy some more scratchers or lottery tickets.  I'm sure you're going to win this time!



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Member

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While in the middle of checking out an order, another customer comes up to me and asks "Where's your___"(fill in the blank: sugar, flour, salt, etc.). My reply: It's not my sugar. The sugar is on aisle #6, right there behind you, the one that says sugar on the sign.

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Anonymous

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Whoah there, Typhoid Mary.  Don't cough on your coupons before you give them to me.  What the hell is wrong with you?



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Anonymous

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You are so ghetto.  I am actually fairly impressed.  How does this happen?  It certainly doesn't happen overnight.  But you don't appear to be doing it on purpose.  I am amazed and perplexed how you became and continue to be so ghetto.

You do deserve every bad thing that has happened and will ever happen to you, sure.  Probably worse, even.  Let's be serious for a second.  You appear to leave a trail of destruction and confusion wherever you go and are a piece of human garbage.  A waste of human flesh.  An oxygen thief, even.

But I have customers like that all day.  You, though, bring it to new lows.  And with a decided gracelessness.

The tragic part is that somehow you have acquired a child.  And that it might grow up to be like you.



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Anonymous

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You are the worst smelling customer I have had in a long time.

You have just raped my nose.  It wouldn't have been any worse if you had used your penis.  And finished.

I'm going to use a Neti pot with bleach and then pour the rest all over myself.  I think I'll just clock out early since I have so much sobbing and vomiting to do.



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Anonymous

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You're ****ing retarded.  No wonder you are on food stamps.  I'd be shocked if you weren't.

Hold on a sec.

That's ...not right.  You're...not quite right either.  Uh...

Oh, here's your handler.

You... actually are retarded.

****.

Now I feel like a jerk.



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Anonymous

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You and your girlfriend will always be on food stamps, and it's your own fault.  I hate you, and am upset that my tax money pays for your junk food.  Hopefully, you will lose limbs to diabetes in a few decades.

I'm trying to help you guys here.  If you don't have enough EBT left, I need to run the card again for the exact remaining amount.  I do this all day long.  Your girlfriend is the second person in two years who has trouble with this.

She doesn't need to flip out and angrily tell me that I am wrong about how the register works and how it has already charged her for her remaining EBT.

You don't need to lean over the register and threateningly ask me what my problem is.

Even if you won the lottery, you'd get in a fistfight with the clerk when he told you to take the winning ticket to the lottery office.  And you'd misplace the ticket in the fight.  And then do some jail time.

If you didn't have enough EBT to cover your girlfriend, you probably would have assaulted me.  And I'd have to disinfect my box cutter.

Damn. I hope you both live long enough to lose those limbs.



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Anonymous

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I think this is my favorite thread.  I wish it were stickied.

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You forgot $8 at self checkout?  Before my shift?  I'd almost be slightly sympathetic if this wasn't somehow my fault.

Whoah there, it's $8.  Calm down.

You say that it's a lot of money because you are on a fixed income and only get $400 a week?  Well, goddamn.  Now I'm glad it's gone.

No one here outside of management even sees that kind of cash.  You aren't even that crippled, just a bit bitchy.

****, I'm gonna go get hit by a bus now.  It would be pretty sweet to make twice as much money sitting on my ass all day.



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Anonymous

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(We could be here all day on this topic!)

Customer comes in and sees that we are out of gallon milk. I tell him the milk truck hasn't gotten here yet and he tells me that he wants me to go out and look for it (the truck!).

Customer tells me that the "bought it here last week". I've worked here for over two decades doing the same four aisles for over two decades and I've never heard of it!

Customer asks me if I am "new here?" You'd think that after two decades they would have noticed me as I am pretty distinctive!

Customer wants to know how to use the scale in Nutrition. The instructions are 4 inches to the right of the scale!

Customer wants to know if I work here? You'd think the uniform and name tag would maybe be a giveaway?

I am in street clothes and a customer asks me what aisle something is on. Often this is the same one who would later ask me if "I worked here" when I am wearing the uniform and name badge!

 



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Anonymous

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- Alright, are you done b*tching? Can I help you fix this now? Oh? You're still complaining. The longer you complain, the longer it takes for me to "Make it Right" for you. And the less likely I'm gonna do it.

- No, that item was NOT part of the "[Insert Appropriate Sale]" event. I took a PICTURE of the tag AND shelf to try to make this easier. But you STILL wanna walk down to the product. Oh, I'm sorry, you were wrong. Still not getting this for free because you can't read signs/tags correctly. (Or alternatively it did ring up incorrectly but they're complaining because the product was more than 5 dollars, and they're not getting it for free because they can't be bothered to read past the FREE on the SRG.)

- Okay, that came out of your bra. It's ninety bloody degrees outside. I am NOT touching that. I just suspended your order. Go to self checkout. And don't complain when the robot won't take your wet money!

[I work at a store that has to card EVERYONE (including employees) about tobacco and alcohol... ugh...] 
- Per the State, I have to check your ID to sell you this tobacco. Yes, you look like you're older than dirt itself, but per the State, and MY JOB, I have to check your ID. No, I won't just sell you the f***in' cigs. My job is not worth your smokes. Oh, damn. You haven't updated your ID since 2007? Can't sell them to you. I don't care that it has your picture and birth date on it. If you were driving on this and got pulled over, would you be okay? No, why not? Because it's not a valid ID? Sheee****t, if that's the case, then I guess you know why I can't sell you the smokes. Get the f*** out of my line, you're holding people up.

- "Oh it won't scan, must be free." With that logic I better call the hospital I was in and tell them it must be free because they couldn't find me in the insurance system! Oh I'm sorry, that doesn't make any sense? Neither do you.

- "I'm sorry you have to be here on Thanksgiving to work." No. You're not sorry. If you would've done your shopping in a timely manner, I wouldn't have to be ringing your stuff up. It's because of customers like you we're open. 

- "You're here all the time! Do you ever go home?" DO YOU?

But most of all, 

- shut the f*** up.

Hey, I don't think this is EVER said enough, but to all you Kroger people still with us, thank you for ALL YOU DO. And those who left us for bigger and better things, thank you for ALL YOU DID. I believe you deserve a lot more praise and recognition than we get.



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Anonymous

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I... can't even care.

It's not that I don't care.  I mean, I really don't.  But that's not the whole story.

It's more than not caring.  Or perhaps more accurately, it's less.  It's not being able to.  It's that I've lost the ability to care.

Because of people like you.

Thank you, I suppose.  It makes my day easier.



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Dear customer: I am off the clock. Quit staring at me like I'm going to serve you. Not gonna happen. Plus it's creepy. Huffing and puffing like The Big Bad Wolf isn't going to work either. STOP.


Whistling to get my attention: HELL NO! whistling WILL NOT get me to acknowledge you. NOT ONE BIT. in fact, I will be looking for your dog which is NOT allowed in the store unless it's a SERVICE ANIMAL.

On dogs: do not bring your NON service animal in the store. I don't give a red f*ck how cute it is.

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How about NO?!?

 



Guru

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That seems to happen a lot in the deli, if no one's at the counter, some people will whistle at them like they're a dog or something. If you do that to our deli manager, she will NOT come to the counter.

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Anonymous

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We have been closed for several minutes.  I have clocked out.  You shouldn't even be in the store.  Why are you still here?

I'm glad SCO won't take your coins.  **** you, and have a ****ty night.



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Anonymous

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Wow- what an ******* thing to say.  How about be nice and have good customer service and people wouldnt get pissy



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Veteran Member

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Posts: 42
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Oh yes that heaping cart actually does come out to $300, I'm sorry you only came here for eggs you obviously ended up with a lot more than that!

I know this might be shocking, but cussing out my friend and then comi to me for help isn't going to get you very far.

I know there are way too many go backs, but how do you think they might have gotten here? It sure wasn't the employees!

Oh Walmart is cleaner and cheaper and less ghetto and has little hand scanners on sco? Well then what on God's green earth are you doing here?

I know there's no carts, but im running a hopping u scan by myself and it might surprise you to learn that I don't have one in my back pocket, nor will standing and staring accusingly at me convince me to go out and get you one.

And one situation that actually happened last week
Customer demands to see a manager because she bought expensive ice cream a week ago and it had melted on the way home all over her car. She had no receipt but wanted them replaced.

Manager: ma'am I live half an hour away and somehow I manage to get home without my ice cream melting. If you can't figure out how to do that it's not Kroger's fault

I just wanna say how much joy reading this thread has brought me. There are so many irritating customers it can be hard to hold your tongue and I love reading what others have thought of saying

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Anonymous

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We're human beings just like you. Just because we're working public service doesn't mean we're less than you or that we're youe personal slaves.

Largely because I'm working retail, my life is already a landscape of helpless misery. You seeking to take out YOUR misery on me is going to push me over the edge into doing something you'll likely regret more than I will....because I've already got nothing left to lose.



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Anonymous

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For the love of god, there's nothing in the back! Quit being so overwhelmingly optimistic. WE DO NOT HAVE IT. Stop assuming that the reason the shelf is empty is because we were too lazy to stock it and the box is just sitting back there, waiting to be stocked on the shelf but we needed you to come by looking for said item so that we could be reminded to stock it. WE ARE OUT!!! I know... I know you're used to being able to get whatever you want, whenever you want, but those times are gone now. Time to sacrifice.



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Anonymous

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Anonymous wrote:

For the love of god, there's nothing in the back! Quit being so overwhelmingly optimistic. WE DO NOT HAVE IT. Stop assuming that the reason the shelf is empty is because we were too lazy to stock it and the box is just sitting back there, waiting to be stocked on the shelf but we needed you to come by looking for said item so that we could be reminded to stock it. WE ARE OUT!!! I know... I know you're used to being able to get whatever you want, whenever you want, but those times are gone now. Time to sacrifice.


Nowadays that's not always true. While a lot of product is being scratched, often the case is we get the product in but there's nobody available to put it out.

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Anonymous

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All of our stuff goes out. All we have is sodas and alcohol in the back.



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Anonymous

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Oh, that pump?  That pump is closed.  Kill yourself.  What are you doing?  You shouldn't be allowed to drive.  Kill yourself.

See all those cones in front of it?  Kill yourself.  It's a lot.  Kill yourself.  We're actually missing 5 cones according to safety regulations, and we still put all those over there.  It's a lot.  That means it's closed.  Kill yourself.

Getting out of your truck and moving all those cones away from it so you can pull up to it ...doesn't just make it open again.  Kill yourself.

It's still closed.  Kill yourself.

It's the only closed pump.  Have you ever considered suicide?  Have you ever thought you just don't want to live in this world anymore?  I mean, I sure don't.

It's the only closed pump at the ENTIRE ****ING GAS STATION.  You probably should, uh, just kill yourself.

Kill yourself.  Please.  Just kill yourself.  Do your children know you are still driving?  Are you still allowed to drive?  What year is it?  Who is president?  Really?  Kill yourself.  Please.  It would be best for everyone.

I didn't even bring my pistol today.  Otherwise, I'd have let you borrow it.  So you could just ****ing shoot me, and then hopefully yourself.  I don't have all day here.



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Anonymous

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My top 3. What the f__k do you want, as___le!? I would like to f__k you. I'm so sorry you have nowhere better to shop.



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