Okay, so there's this new coworker and she's openly a lesbian and has a fiancée. Now, I've met many people who are openly lesbian, and I couldn't care less what they do with their lives... but she has a tendency to cross boundaries.
I work in the Produce Dept., and so whenever she sees me lifting bags of potatoes, she'll laugh at me and say, "Do you need help with that, sweetie?"
I always politely respond, "No thank you, I'm okay." But then she'll watch me lift further and laughs again, "Are you surree?"
I constantly get this reaction from men who watch me do what I've been doing for two years now, so I look her in the eye and firmly say: "Yes." She instantly looks sad and dejected. So I instantly feel bad like I've been too harsh. But from then on she pesters me and tries to talk to me.
I'm the type of person that is hard to get to open up, and pestering me usually results in me disliking you further. But despite myself and other people letting her know to back off from me (I never know how to say it, but the community of workers around me help me communicate to other new people), she insists: "No, I think I can get her to open up." Which is strange because she didn't say that to me, and I didn't learn she said that until later.
It's weird, because whenever she pesters me, I don't really look at her or give her much time, because I've already told her I don't wanna talk and I know I can't change her mind.
So she continues to pester me, and one day she offers me a piece of candy. I don't want to be rude, so I accept and she is onstantly happy. She immediately pesters me harder, but I don't tel ber to stop because I dont want to be rude. My responses are short but polite. But I try to escape nonetheless by trying to return to my job.
But later I hear her bragging: "I got (my name) to open up by giving her candy. I knew I could. The way to a woman's heart is through her stomach!"
Other coworkers often complain that the lesbian coworker "thinks she's a dude." Honestly, I could care less if she was, because there are dudes out there that know that this sort of behavior isn't okay, so I don't really think her "acting like a dude" justifies it. You can be LGBT or a dude without annoying other people. I really don't know if this qualifies as harrassment but I wish she'd take "no" for an answer and I don't know how to get her to stop talking to and about me.
"Hey *coworkers name*, it bothers me that you talk to me the way you do. I feel like you are crossing boundaries that I am not comfortable with you crossing when you call me names like 'sweetie' and when you won't take no for an answer. I would appreciate it if you could stop talking to me this way. If you do not, I will be forced to take this issue up with management."
If that doesn't do it, take it to management. You have to start somewhere. Just be direct. She seems assertive and being assertive back is the only way shes goi ng to get that you arent playing some game with her.
Remember when in third grade a boy pulled your hair? Coz he had a crush on you and he didn't know any better how to let you know?
But yeah, if she doesn't stop, have your department head there when you tell her in no uncertain terms to cut it out, her unwanted advances make you uncomfortable, and you play for the other team. Thanks, but no, thanks.
"Hey *coworkers name*, it bothers me that you talk to me the way you do. I feel like you are crossing boundaries that I am not comfortable with you crossing when you call me names like 'sweetie' and when you won't take no for an answer. I would appreciate it if you could stop talking to me this way. If you do not, I will be forced to take this issue up with management."
If that doesn't do it, take it to management. You have to start somewhere. Just be direct. She seems assertive and being assertive back is the only way shes goi ng to get that you arent playing some game with her.
Best of luck!
i support this. i would personally leave out the 'i'm going to tell on you', even if you decide to tell on her; something about it is just something i would leave out, as a personal preference. i used to be quite passive about boundaries being crossed. in one way, it is an advantage to be able to brush things off. but if you maintain having no thought of ill will toward that person you can say whatever you want
i have surprised even myself how i have learned to shut people down in very direct, concise terms. you'll earn respect
i support this. i would personally leave out the 'i'm going to tell on you', even if you decide to tell on her; something about it is just something i would leave out, as a personal preference.
I would normally agree with this. The only reason I feel it necessary here is the OP has said that the co worker hasnt gotten the hint even after repeated attempts to dissuade the behavior. I feel like being direct will probably make the co worker not like her, but probably leave her alone if she thinks that she will get in trouble for it.
